Spin
by kandyshipper
Summary: This is an AU within an AU, JulieKirsten femslash, see my livejournal for more information. Part 1 of 4.


Julie knocks on the door to Kirsten's office for the third time, Kirsten finally opens it and it is obvious that she is drunk, again.

Caleb worries about her, not that he'd ever tell her that or check that she is okay, make sure she can get home each night, Sandy doesn't either, he's too busy burying himself in a pile of nuisance law suits and pretending the last month never happened, he sleeps in the office.

Julie has decided at some point over the last month that she has to care for Kirsten because no one else can, or will, she can't remember when she started driving her home and putting her to bed or understand why, she didn't even like her all that much at first or at any point prior to now in the last 17 years but she felt and continues to feel compelled to help her, she is after all her step-daughter. Family.

On the nights when Kirsten isn't so drunk she is passed out by the time they leave the carpark she talks, rambles about anything and everything, anything so that the car ride isn't silent, Julie doesn't like listening to the radio when she drives at night, too distracting.

Julie has grown to like Kirsten, this Kirsten anyway, she is not quite sure if it the real Kirsten she is getting to know but she likes this person.

"Hey Julie." Kirsten tries not to slur her greeting.

"Hi, are you ready to go?" Julie asks, slightly impatient, she is tired tonight and she just wants to get home to Caleb and sleep.

"Yeah." Kirsten replies throwing a pile of documents into her bag.

Julie isn't quite sure why Kirsten keeps up this particular charade; she hasn't been capable of work in weeks.

"Ready." Kirsten finally says closing her office door.

-

Kirsten is silent for about five minutes but Julie can see out of the corner of her eye that she is not sleeping, she is staring straight ahead at nothing, her eyes are glazed over and she looks as if she may cry.

"I miss him, them." She finally whispers.

Julie nods but doesn't push it. It has only been the last two nights that she has finally started talking about what happened, Ryan was gone, her son was living in Portland, refusing to come home and her husband it seemed was hell-bent on destroying their marriage.

"I went to the funeral by myself, Seth wouldn't come down and Sandy was working." Kirsten continues her voice not much louder than a whisper; Julie doesn't fail to notice the contempt that creeps into Kirsten's voice when she says the word working.

Julie simply nods, not saying a word, hoping that Kirsten will continue talking, knowing that she needs to.

"The casket was open and even with the make-up and everything, it still didn't look like him. Dawn didn't even show-up." Kirsten's voice breaks and a tear slips down her cheek.

"Dawn?" Julie asks, confused.

"Ryan's mom." Kirsten replies, her voice taking on an unmistakable hard edge.

Again Julie nods and says nothing.

Kirsten closes her eyes, attempting to regain control, as Julie pulls-up into the driveway.

Kirsten opens the door to her house, the nights when Kirsten is semi-coherent Julie usually drops her off in the drive and leaves, tonight she has followed Kirsten inside.

"Do you want a drink?" Kirsten asks as they enter the bar/living room, not surprisingly one of the first rooms in Kirsten's house remodel to be completed.

"No thanks." Julie says, quite unintentionally in her best motherly tone.

Kirsten gets the hint.

"I guess I've had enough too." She says dryly.

Julie picks up a picture that is sitting on top of the mantle, it is the same one Kirsten used in her Christmas cards last year of her new family, the one that was so cruelly torn-apart with no warning, if Julie was in her position, Julie can't even think about what she might do, all in all she thinks at least that Kirsten is handling it remarkably well, well aside from the alcohol thing. Well maybe she isn't handling it that well but she is still alive and that's a start.

"I keep thinking about burning that photo, pretend that it never happened." Kirsten says quietly from behind her.

"Why?" Julie asks genuinely curious.

"Because it's easier." Kirsten whispers by way of reply before yawning.

"I'd better get going." Julie says turning to face Kirsten.

"Thank you." Kirsten says in an unusually small voice.

Julie smiles.

Kirsten picks up Julie's hand, absently stroking it for a moment before leaning in and kissing Julie, only a peck but on the lips nether the less, Julie feels strangely familiar rush of heat surge through her body, she hopes Kirsten is too drunk to notice her cheeks and neck are flushed a deep red and knows that she's not.

"So um, bye." Julie stumbles before leaving hurriedly.

-

Kirsten has kissed Julie exactly five times in the last 17 years and each time Julie has fantasized about it for weeks, she used to think that it was about Jimmy, that it was because Jimmy loved Kirsten and never her but the two times she has kissed her since the divorce have yielded the same reaction.

Julie climbs into her car and places her shaking hands against the wheel, this is not the first time she has been attracted to a woman, she knows it won't be the last but something about Kirsten is different, she doesn't know if it is because she has always been off-limits or something entirely different altogether but there is something definitely different. Something she yearns to explore but she won't, can't make the first move this time.

There is something too wrong, too risqué about fucking your stepdaughter, even Julie understands that.

And yet she can't stop thinking about her.


End file.
